Ok so last week I rambled a bit about there not being an official scale of knitting zen. Then I got to thinking that really I should be the change that I want to see in the world. Granted, it’s not the development of commercially viable fusion power but hey, baby steps people.
So here are these stages of frustration a knitter must pass through in order to achieve Knitting Zen™!
Stage 1: Totally Un-zen
A single dropped stitch causes you to shriek and swear like a banshee before flinging your knitting across the room. Where the knitting lands, you raze the ground and salt the earth. Too bad you forgot about the smell of burning acrylic.
Stage 2: The Learning of Humility
“Why? Why is the stitch count wrong? I followed the instructions perfectly!! This is totally the pattern’s fault! This is so stupid!! How could a designer make such a simple mathematical error?? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! AUUGH! THIS IS…ok I did do that bit wrong my bad.”
Stage 3: Don’t fight the yarn.
Perseverance has been gained with experience. But still, everyone around you can tell exactly where you are in the pattern because you are cursing every 2.5 stitches, like a metronome.
Stage 4: Acceptance
Small mistakes don’t bother you now that you’ve realised you can just give away your knitting as Christmas presents.
Stage 5: The Final Trial
You can now rip back over 5 inches of cabled jumper with little more than a sigh. But realising the jumper was off-gauge and needs to be completely re-knitted? That’s at least two weeks of crippling self-doubt and knitting-induced depression. Looking at said jumper makes you want to cry. Fear not dear friend, for this is merely a bump in the road. Unravel it quickly, before you lose your knitting mojo! Just don’t set fire to it.
Stage 6: Ommmmmmmmmm
You have attained true knitting zen. You are one with the needles. Mucked up fine-gauge colourwork? Piffle. Made a mistake halfway down a 2m sq. lace shawl? Not a problem! People see a sort of aura around you as you knit. This is due to the bits of wool fibre stuck in your hair.